the good, the bad and the dirty
by MedusaOfTheSpecies
Summary: In which Lavender is cheating on both of them, and Hermione and Ron's way of dealing with that fact is illegal. :: Romione, past RonLavender and HermioneLavender.


Written for Granger Danger (you're the partner of my current partner and they've been cheating on us, let's hang out to get over our emotions) Around the World (Uruguay: "Unless you have good news, don't speak to me"), Muggle Music Assignment (Write about a spurned lover).

 **o.O.o**

The worst day of Hermione's life starts off as one of the best.

It's one of those days where the sun is shining and the birds are chirping as Hermione leaves her last class to pop down to the Italian bakery down the road.

She doesn't have much of a love for sweet stuff—her parents warnings still haunt her, years later—but Hermione knows how much her girlfriend loves the macaroons, and Lav is always extra happy to see her when she delivers them.

Smiling at the thought of surprising her girlfriend, Hermione begins the short walk to Lavender's studio apartment. They had begun the talk of Hermione moving in a while back, but with classes and homework, they had never quite decided when that should happen.

Arriving at the lobby, Hermione searches through her pockets methodically, attempting to locate the spare key Lavender had given her.

It's only when Hermione's gone through her overstuffed bag twice that she looks up, already in the stages of panicking.

"Ms. Granger?"

Hermione turns around at the concierges call. She knows him by name at this rate: Stan Shunpike. They've talked while she's come in to see Lavender so many times.

"Hi Stan," Hermione says tiredly. "I'm sorry, I'm not coming in. I forgot the key."

Stan stares at her, furrowing his nose. Then, he rolls his eyes, grinning mischievously. "Granger, I can even smell the macaroons. Go in, for Merlin's sake."

Blushing, Hermione thanks him profusely before rushing upstairs, slipping a arm through the elevator door so it doesn't close on her.

By the time she reaches Lavender's door, Hermione is grinning with anticipation. She knocks, but there's no answer as per usual, Lavender's always been terrible at answering doors. Hermione pushes the door and it opens easily. Typical Lavender.

"Lav?" Hermione calls, placing the desert down. There are papers on the floor, as if pushed off in a rush, and Hermione spares an eye roll for her messy girlfriend.

Walking to the bedroom, Hermione opens it, ready to see Lavender napping with her hair sprawled around her like a halo.

That's not what she sees— Lavender is kneeling by the bed, familiar down to the lace socks, but her head is between a boys thighs.

Hermione cannot surpass her scream.

 **o.O.o**

Ron jumps up at the sound of screaming, wincing as he accidentally clips Lavender's ear. Typical of her to forget that she has friends coming over, ending up with him exposing himself in all his glory to a random girl.

"Er… hi, I guess?" Ron winces. "Um, I'm sorry to meet you this way. I assume you're Lav's friend?"

The girl looks at him incredulously and Ron, realizing he's still standing there naked, grabs the blanket off the bed and ties it around his waist as a makeshift blanket.

"Is that what you told him?" The new girl stares at Lav, her eyes cold. "That I'm your friend?"

Ron averts his eyes. Lavender didn't tell him she had a fight with a friend, but then again, she doesn't tell him much. They're dating, yes, but they spend more time shagging than anything.

Speaking of shagging, Rons mind drifts back to the time they did it on the kitchen table today. Maybe when the girl leaves they could do a rerun?

"Well?" the girls demands and Ron's attention snaps back to the present, where Lav is blushing a miserable pink while the other girl has her hands on her hips.

Dang. Ron lets out a low whistle at the anger the girl is conveying.

"Okay," he says, aiming for a mediator voice. "Who are you and what happened between you two?"

"Ron..." Lavender whispers. "'Mione, you know I didn't mean to hurt you."

The girl smiles, a bitter and ruthless thing, before she turns her attention to him. "Well, Ron," she says, over pronouncing his name in exaggeration. "I'm Hermione Granger, Lavender's girlfriend. I would say it's a pleasure to meet you, but it's not exactly the right circumstance for that."

Ron staggers, his feet crumbling under him. No, it can't be. He must have misheard. "Girlfriend?" he whispers.

Hermione's smile is sad. "Ex-girlfriend now. But yes."

 **o.O.o**

The moment she says the words, she almost feels bad. Not at Lavender, the two-timing conniving bitch, but at the utter look of heartbreak on Ron's face.

From what she's seen, Lavender and Ron had spent more time snogging then anything, but from the way he looked at her… well, Hermione doesn't think it would have taken Ron much to genuinely fall in love with her.

That's the worst part. That she hasn't been the one love to care about Lavender, that her girlfriend had loved someone else.

Hermione stares down at Lavender's level before speaking, "I'm leaving. I'll be by to get my stuff another day. Don't be here."

There are tears streaming down Lavender's face, but Hermione wills herself to not care. It's her who should be crying, not Lavender.

Taking a deep breath, Hermione pivots and stalks out of the apartment, slamming the door behind her. It's over. She and Lavender are over, forever.

Seated on the curb of the street, Hermione Jean Granger breaks into tears.

 **o.O.o**

Ron avoids looking at the spot where Hermione Granger had stood at all costs. The entire room feels tainted, like he dumped out his future to rot.

"Why, Lavender?" he snaps. "Was I not enough?"

His words make Lavender break into tears even harder, but he's done feeling mercy. He's angry, the kind of anger that threatens to consume you in waves of pure agony. He thinks he may hate her.

"Ronny," Lavender gets out in between sobs, her normal beautiful face now a red and puffy mess. "I love you."

His world is shaking and breaking and he's falling apart. He's been dating Lavender for five months and he's been ready to say that word for a while now, but...not after this. He's done.

"Fuck off, Lavender," he whispers and walks out as quickly as he can, because if he looks back, he's not sure what he'll do.

 **o.O.o**

Hermione watches as Ronald Weasley walks out of the apartment behind her, looking like the literal definition of death.

She shouldn't say anything, he's been in the same position as her, but she can't help it. It's why Harry, her best friend and almost brother, never calls her kind. He calls her passionate, calls her a revolutionary, calls her ruthless in her pursuits, but never kind.

"How does it feel?" she calls after Ronald's back. She half-doesn't expect him to even turn, let alone answer, but he does. That's the one thing she's learning about Ronald: he doesn't do well with expectations.

"Like I just had the worst fucking day of my life," he shoots back. "Though if your appearance matches your mood, I'd say you understand pretty damn well."

Hermione watches as he comes closer, plopping by the side of the curb with her and dragging his knees up to his chest.

"Sucks for both of us," she says but the words are empty. She's numb in her anger.

"Yeah." Ron watches the cars go by, cracking his knuckles absentmindedly. "Hey, wanna help me set her car on fire?"

 **o.O.o**

The car looks good on fire, the pink paint job Lavender had been so proud of up in flames.

"Do you regret it?" Ron asks and Hermione shakes her head at him.

"No," she admits. "It's therapeutic."

He lets a laugh out at that, and Hermione watches as her past goes up in flames alongside the vehicle. After this, Lavender will never go anywhere near him again and that feels her with a twisted sense of pride.

"Freeze where you are!" a passionate voice calls and Hermione sighs. Her happiness wouldn't have lasted too long anyways, but this is worth it.

 **o.O.o**

Ron doesn't know how his life ended up like this—he had a girlfriend, decent grades, a good family—but now he's sitting in a jail cell with a girl who may just be insane.

"Um… Granger?"

"Hermione." She turns to him, her back against the cell wall, looking tense. He's starting to think she has a big problem with disregarding authority, and the officer who had caught them and thrown them into this cell had warned them about speaking. He almost feels bad. Almost.

"Well err...Hermione—"

"Unless you have good news, don't speak to me."

Ron considers this and shrugs. He doesn't have anything to lose anyways. "I don't have anyone to call," he admits. "I was hoping you do?"

Hermione lets out a bitter laugh at that. "My parents died in Australia last year and my best friend, Harry, is on vacation. I have nobody."

"Well, fuck," Ron says, attempting at cheerfulness. They're both screwed, might as well go down happily.

Hermione's smile is too sharp and too cruel as she meets his eyes. "Don't give up so easily. I have an idea."

 **o.O.o**

"I'm sorry," Lavender Brown says as she pays their bail before motioning them out of the police station. Ron nods at the police officer in front of them and Hermione smiles proudly at the scene unfolding in front of her.

"Sorry for what?" Hermione says blandly. "Cheating? Or getting caught?"

Lavender sighs tiredly and Hermione wants to slap her for acting like the victim. Ron seems to sense this because he touches her arm in something like sympathy.

"I know I messed up." Lavender doesn't meet their eyes. "I deserved what you two did and I payed for it. Literally, I may add."

With that, she turns to leave, sneaking a look back. When neither of them follow, she slips out the door. Hermione watches, waiting for a feeling of something, but she just feels utterly and completely finished with Lavender. She's cutting her losses.

 **o.O.o**

"So…" Ron says awkwardly. Lavender's head of curls had long since disappeared out the police office door, leaving him and Hermione just standing there in silence.

"So…" Hermione imitates, but it isn't mocking, just exhausted. "Spit it out, Ronald."

"Ron," he corrects automatically.

Hermione nods, surprisingly amiably. "Well, Ron, since we've already burned down private property today, how about we go and get roaring drunk?"

Getting drunk with Hermione sounds like sin, like the worst decision of his life, like falling down the rabbit hole, but he's already lost his mind.

"Yeah," he agrees. "Lets go get drunk."

They go, and so what if it may end with Hermione being his downfall? The taste of her lips is worth it.


End file.
